Optimist or pessimist?
The last month has been a bit frustrating for me as well as Kirin. At times, I have felt that we weren't really making any progress. I see other babies sitting up, starting to crawl and gulping formula from a bottle and the competitive edge comes out. Come on Kirin, you rolled over at Christmas, surely you must be able to sit up or crawl by now! I feel bad about this harsher side of me and as special K and I spend so much time together I probably don't miss some of the changes that other people see in him.
Last week my Mum visited. We had a lovely day, walked over Hampsted Heath on the first sunny day in ages and had tea at Kenwood house. At home, we worked out a new seating arrangement for Kirin with his "bouncy chair" sitting on top of a dining chair rather than on the table, which made giving him milk from a cup easier. Miracle of miracles he managed to empty about half the contents of his cup and I think most of it went down his throat not this front. This is the best progress in a long time and when I look at the cup now it's definately half empty - which is a good thing.
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Ravi/dad adds his bit:
The competition thing is an essay in itself and it really does cause all sorts of problems for new parents. Everything is geared towards comparison with other children. For example, in the UK at least, the height and weight of babies are measured by health visitors in percentile terms, meaning that a correlation is made between age and the averages for most British children.
So, when your baby is on the lowly 9th or 10th percentile, you find yourself wondering whether he is a little slow, not developing properly or, worse, whether your parenting is contributing to the situation (i.e. not getting him enough food which, in the case of a breastfeeding mother, can be more stressful because it makes her worry that she isn't producing enough milk). Of course, this creates a vicious cycle - you get more stressed which could lead to parenting being harder which creates more stress which can affect milk production...
I am not a child psychologist or behavioural genetecist, but it seems to me that the reality of human development is rather more complicated than that. We all grow at different speeds and, generally, things work out for the best in the long run for middle class, first world families like ours.
The competition thing is an essay in itself and it really does cause all sorts of problems for new parents. Everything is geared towards comparison with other children. For example, in the UK at least, the height and weight of babies are measured by health visitors in percentile terms, meaning that a correlation is made between age and the averages for most British children.
So, when your baby is on the lowly 9th or 10th percentile, you find yourself wondering whether he is a little slow, not developing properly or, worse, whether your parenting is contributing to the situation (i.e. not getting him enough food which, in the case of a breastfeeding mother, can be more stressful because it makes her worry that she isn't producing enough milk). Of course, this creates a vicious cycle - you get more stressed which could lead to parenting being harder which creates more stress which can affect milk production...
I am not a child psychologist or behavioural genetecist, but it seems to me that the reality of human development is rather more complicated than that. We all grow at different speeds and, generally, things work out for the best in the long run for middle class, first world families like ours.
In my own case, apparently my dad was a bit concerned about my development because I didn't start speaking until quite late compared to my brother and sister. He even took me the doctor to be checked out (admittedly, he was in the process of doing his PhD in child psychology at the time, so he was probably looking at a lot of research). Today, as anyone who has played volleyball with me will attest, I am rarely lost for words.
The reality is that Kirin is a generally happy, alert and curious baby and is eating well. In other words, I think we - and especially Johanna - are doing an ok job so far. In truth, we have absolutely no idea but we just try your best and hope that all of the good things we inherited from our own parents and family, and have observed in our friends rubs off.
The reality is that Kirin is a generally happy, alert and curious baby and is eating well. In other words, I think we - and especially Johanna - are doing an ok job so far. In truth, we have absolutely no idea but we just try your best and hope that all of the good things we inherited from our own parents and family, and have observed in our friends rubs off.
NB - As if the above weren't enough, there is a theory that a child's peers have a stronger influence on how he/she will turn out than parents. This idea and much more is discussed in a fascinating article by New Yorker writer and fellow Canadian Malcolm Gladwell (click on his name to go to the article). The piece also includes a great quote: "Infancy is an experimental research program, and the parents are the lab rats."
5 Comments:
Hi guys, well I was interested to read this post because I tend to be a fairly competitive person (Ravi can expand on that if he wishes) and, if I am perfectly honest, I constantly find myself comparing my son, who is massive (and no I haven't slipped that in for comparison's sake), to other kids. My wife and I have kind of come to the, very basic, conclusion that men tend to be more interested in height and weight while women (yes, you do it to) might compare on other bases. Now, in the cold light of day, comparing on any basis is not a healthy thing to do but we sort of can't help it. If I may make a suggestion, I have resorted to controlling what I actually share with people (family excluded, who cannot get enough of our amazing tales about our son). Of course I do this as I genuinely feel that it's not a good idea to compare kids because, as I believe Joh mentioned, kids develop at different speeds in different areas. All we should really wish for is that they are healthy in body and spirit, the rest will take whatever course nature intends. I'll put my own competitive spirit to good use when taking on 11 year olds at ping pong instead. JP
10:58 PM
By the way, I forgot to mention that there is a great toy out there called a jumperoo http://www.fisher-price.com/uk/babygear/product.asp?c=bgetn&id=32486
When Seba was about 4-5 months we were concerned because he tended to let his head tilt to one side when sitting down. We bought this and within a few weeks he had a strong neck and strong legs. It changed everything about his demeanour. I really recommend it. It also happens to be a lot of fun. JP
1:33 AM
I know you're all right and of course Kirin is gorgeous and i shouldn't compare him to others. Maybe we should have another one straight away so I don't have time to worry about the competition ....
10:58 AM
Great comments guys - Joh really needs to post more often.
It all reminds me of that episode of Seinfeld when Jerry, Elaine and Kramer have to go visit a friend's baby. The child is really ugly but Elaine and Jerry, trying to be polite, try to suppress the grimace and lie through gritted teeth, "He's so beautiful."
Kramer, on the other hand, takes one look at the baby, his body convulses and he recoils on to the ground after looking at the hideousness in the crib.
3:50 PM
Just read your post Ravi and I am slightly spooked as I happened to see that very episode last night which is all the more strange as it was playing at the same time on two separate networks (tbs and prime) which never happens. Of course it also happens to be the shrinkage episode.
4:18 PM
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